Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
