Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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