New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
