morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
