Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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