WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
