he shaved USA in his pubs
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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