When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My vagina is very pro this idea
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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