Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
