I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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