Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
