I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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