Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
