Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
