I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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