Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
