My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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