Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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