Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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