he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
