Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
