I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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