dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
