Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
