Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
