I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
