There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ambien. No doubt about it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
