New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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