I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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