Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
