goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
