Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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