If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
