i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
