Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
