this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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