If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
