Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
