His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
