i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
not ubering you a puppy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
