If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Your penis caused this!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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