I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
