So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
