he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
