I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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