but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
