I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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