Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
