You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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