Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
