I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I love you. Go after that dick
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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