The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
