my mouth tastes like poor choices
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
