She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
